Monday, January 24, 2011


What exactly are words.

I am amazed at the amount of words on the internet. When I sit and think about it I am amazed by the sheer number of sites that come back when you Google the word “words”. Words truly are abundant, and I am not innocent of providing my fair share. I love words. But if there is anything I have learned it’s that words are CHEAP. A dime a dozen. In this Google age, they may be much, much cheaper.

Words are only words. I am done listening to them. If you cannot step up and give some backbone and action to your words, I will step down and walk away. Little things like being honest and not twist and turning up stories shows. If you cannot even do the little things you promised you'd o, I really don't see how you're ever going to commit to the big things you swore you'd do. Don't waste another two years of my life if you're just playing around. Because I don't do flings and certainly not open relationships for sure.

"Walk the talk dudes, walk the talk"

Being one of the cheapest things on earth, words, are so easily said and yet it can mean nothing. Empty canister. But do you know how much words can build emotion? Words can bring you up 80ft in the air, and it can crush you down 80ft to the ground. Words can make you smile like a fool and words can make you cry a river. Words can build rage and anger in a person that leads to actions that are not wanted. Again, words are cheap but it hold so much power in it. So are the words that are not cheap? Yeah, of course, words are not cheap when its made into action. Back to what I stand by, when its only words, it is by far the cheapest thing I know. It can mean heaven and hell to one person and mean nothing to another. One man's meat is another man's poison. And thats when we get into shit we always end up in, "broken promises?" yeah, that! Because we do not know when the words mean nothing, or when it actually means everything. But we leap, risk and believe every word because all we can do is pray that those words mean something, even when only one out of ten of them means something. But guess what, we depend so much on words, because sometimes, thats the only hope we get.

I'm not gonna deny that I'm a hypocrite. As much as I hate people giving me empty promises, I too use words that are what I call cheap. So, what are words besides being cheap, its hope.

When he said, "Let me fight for you, give me a chance to show I've changed. give me a chance to gain your trust"...I felt a faint heartbeat from a heart long thought frozen. On the verge of letting go and walking away, you took my hand, pulled me back & brought me to life.

I hate being so fragile. I hate taking everything so personally. I hate not being able to have a proper meal. I hate that the littlest things get to me more than things that should actually matter.It’s the scary to realize just how much someone means to you. When it hits you, I mean really hits you, all these thoughts and questions rush through your head at once. A sad emotion even starts to creep on you slowly inch by inch as you start to wonder. What if for some reason things don’t work out? How is it possible for you to live without them?

"There's no what-ifs that exists. You've been thinkin too much"


i just want to feel safe.
i just want to feel safe.
apparently some things are impossible.

Someone that was once a stranger now is the only person you know like the back of your hand. Someone you once had no emotions for, now has the power to break your heart. Someone you never used to hang out with, now owns most of your time. Someone you never thought you’d love, now owns your entire heart. Someone you once lived without, you now wish to hold onto forever.

Was I stupid for making this choice?

I thought it'd be different this time. I thought that trust would finally be something tangible between us. But I guess not. Because while I have been out there with my head held high telling people who try to bring you down in my eyes that I love you, you have been walking around with your head down low, prolly embarrassed to even acknowledge me as a part of your life to anyone who asks. I don't mind waiting. It doesn't matter how many months I have to wait. But I will not be the idiot who's waiting alone. So once and for all, I don't. fuckin. believe. in. words. Please, work something out without giving excuses or depending on me to remind you. Everything means nothing if I were to remind you of every little single thing. I know who I am, and I know I'm better than that and I deserve better than this.I am not who I used to be and we both are no longer the kids. Relationships need to mature with sincerity and faith, not lies and half truths. If I cannot trust you, I will not stay. Saying "I love you" when we're alone is no longer enough for me. If you really do, you wouldn't mind pointing me out and telling people,

"Yes, that's the girl I love. I'm going to marry her someday."

You told me you'd fight for me in any way possible this time. So fight, damn it.Because you cannot keep having something you've never fought for, and I cannot keep fighting for something I never had.

I am no expert in business of “nude winged baby armed with a bow and a quiver of arrows”, but I guess I may be a lil teenie weenie good in flavoring up relationships. But not by telling out every single thing of what the other partner should do. I do not take control of this whole relationship. I want to share with no boundaries. Did you know the littlest thing is what counted? Girls love their men who remember the sweet aromatic moment when around them . Takin note of detail on hers and try doing something outrageous and before sleep, you write a little reminder on the date. Thus when the loving birds hit the anniversary, talk about previous moment. That’s the way to melt me. Simple lil things. You don't have to please me with Pradas or Guccis or expensive trips to Paris. The only way to make girls happy is by making falling in love with you every single day.

Fallin out of love is hard
Fallin for betrayal is worse
Broken trust and broken hearts
Thinkin all you need is there
Buildin faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
And now when all is gone there is nothin to say
And if you re done with me
On your own you can go and tell them
Tell them all I know now

I'm sure most of you girls out there have encountered guy friends (boyfys included in this case) who tells you they will call you later but they wouldnt. The thought of blogging about this came into my mind when my friend was complaining about how much she likes this guy (she even dumped her bf of five years because of him) and how the guy is so shy that he doesnt say anything to her. From my point of view, he likes her too but is not sure of it. He did simple things, that if a guy dont have something for you, they wont do. Simple things like attending a party where nobody you know but her is there and etc. now, remember this, girls, guys are sweetest to you only when they are going after you. i have had my fair share of such sweet treatments. The feeling is just undescribable and your ego gets boosted to the maximum. Being an egoistic person, i sure like the feeling of being chased but it hasnt happened for a long time. anyway, that's not my point. Is there a reason to be angry? Are they born to be like this?

"fret not, darling, cos all men are like that so it isn't just him"

Is there no point in complaining because guys are like that? EXCEPT when they are really into you. Yeah, I clearly know and told him that I knew I wasn't the one he love the most. Hurt or no? Fuck care cause I say what I felt like sayin rather than keepin it to myself.

Guys tend to say things without thinking properly. If you ask em out casually, "hey, wanna check out this place on sat?". "sure". and then you wont hear from them on saturday. I am practically speakin in general okay and based on my experiences, so please dont spear me down if you disagree or feel like it's you im talking about. Also on this article i read, women tend to remember things six times better than guys, which explains why we can remember when we had the first time we held hands, first kiss, first date, and etc but not guys. *big big big sigh*

i try not to blame them when they dont remember dates like that but at times, i will feel unhappy. Am I not important enough? To tell you the truth, i used to remember all my exes birthdays, the first time we kissed, the first time we got together and break up but now i dont remember anything except for my recent one (i do not wish to remember anything with regards of my exes anyways). What matters is the who I am in love with now. I told myself not to expect too much unless you're really certain he's into you big time and is ready to commit to you. Too early for that. Some guys just play around with your feelings or you may read my previous posts. Nuff said.

After watching much sex and the city, I realised that i have changed tremendously throughout the years. I am now into commitment (at certain levels, that is) and am no longer into flings. I am conservative when it comes to certain things and kind of reserved which contradicts my older personality. No more fubus, unless he can't satisfy me *ouch* but now im proud to announce for the first time that I, someday, would like to settle down and get married. Yes, you heard me right. I am not talking bout the current boyfy I am with but generally. I have always been against committed relationships and marriages. I used to say marriage is only a piece of paper. Now, I am a cross breed of Carrie and Charlotte and a lil' Samantha and Miranda too. I am sarcastic when it comes to people who irritates the shit out of me and horny when I am with someone im truly into.

Balanced? Hell yeah. Whoa this is a fuckin long post!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


"I'm in love. She was once married. She had an affair. She has been very honest with me with everything, including the details of how the marriage failed. Now I've been dating her for about 8 months. Something has happen that I wasn't expecting though. She is still in contact with the loser she had the affair with. But she seems almost willing to let our relationship crumble if I don't just accept she is going to continue being friends with him. What the hell is going on here, am I being stupid for suggesting she let him just move on or am I being an idiot about to get burned as usual?"

Would you trust the girl if you were in his shoes? It has all the warning signs of either and existing affair or an affair that can be ignited at any time. Simple example. If your dad has had an affair, will there be any effect on you in the future? Issues in trusting your partner?

People who have affair just didn't have a conscience about their actions, no respect for relationship boundaries, lack of values and most of all irresponsible. It's hard enough to deal with the random girls at bars, his workplace, his ex's, silly new relationship insecurities, etc. Why bring another negative into the equation? Let's face it. Back to the problem stated, nobody knows if she will actually do something but the fact that he believe she is CAPABLE of it is the real problem. Is she the kind of person you want on your team or not? Figure that out. Life is too short to have to watch your back amongst friends.

A married man that has an affair is usually doing so out of his own selfishness and personal needs. He will TELL YOU ANYTHING you want hear to keep you interested and will string you along until he is done with you or there is an option of being caught.  Talk is cheap. He can say he wants to keep your marriage intact but if he is not willing to take whatever action is needed then his real desires here are pretty plain. Then I'd be so sorry of this misfortune.

IMHO, people who do affairs, does not understand love to begin with. By cheating on your partner and having an affair, is simply showing that they love themselves more than they loves other. They are chasing the dream of self fulfillment and the so called 'new age' religious thought process of making ourselves happy and putting ourselves first and foremost. Love is not self-serving and all affairs are. Most people are misinterpreting the definition of love, they want to be glorified and not loved.
Some can't just have one partner in their life so they cheat. Some men may well love their wife, but, instead of communication to her if he's unhappy he may have an affair (it isn't always love) with another woman but to fill his sexual needs. Some men in the 40 year old bracket can have what they call 'Andropause' (similar to women's menopause) and feel they have a need to prove they are attractive to the opposite sex and also to do some of the things they missed out on in life. Although this is still not an excuse for cheating this is a dangerous time in some men's lives.


View snapped from bee's condo

Knitted baby snowy cap and shoes. Pinky cute! Interested? Lemme know and I'll send you the contact.

Germaine's new elephant plushie whereby now has been tortured tremendously and is currently blinded on the left eye. Poor thing.

Cupcakies but never get to eat cause I was so sick.

Germaine <3

Cookie baby enjoying her snacks while I kacao-ed.

Meeko baby. Miss miss xD

Siew mai's goldie. Sounds like pokemon wtf.

The pictars above, instagram, a free iPhone app. Get it from app store and try it out yourselves.

Btw, Cooks Island is friggin pwetty that i wanna go and live there. the reef, the sea and the white sandy beach. *dreams* Spotted this place on tv.
I've been watching several reality survival shows. As educational as it may seemed, but still i don't think there's a point in these kinda show where you steal bird's egg and kill innocent wild animals. Yeah everything's a cycle but in the event of increasing number of these kinda so called reality shows? I don't see the necessity.

Friggin hate my life nao. Plastics everywhere - fake! I hate rules. I hate regulations. And i hate terms and conditions. Fuck care and to hell with it. Empty promises doesnt work well with me. What's happened to my happenin life? I miss you so muchie. Come back.

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Thursday, January 06, 2011

On Relationships...

Startin of a new relationship makes you feel new, happy, tensed and optimistic all together. That's what they say. I begged to differ. Maybe for the first 6 months to one year, yes. However, what if all these turns into negative feelings when your relationship has been less than six months old? I do understand that most of us wonders if we are good enough for each other or haunted by fear and insecurity if it is ever going to work out. Guess, the majority falls on the latter one. Sometimes we let our imperfections get in the way. We ask ourselves myriads of questions. Is he going to like my bulging stomach, when I'm naked or complains that I snore or eat too much. But who says your new boyfriend doesn't have his own?

New relationship actually involves more than the uproar of' yes I've got her now'. Or its more to 'I've found him at last'? It entails some things that we often neglect. First things first. Never rush yourself into a relationship. Opt to be friends first and spend time together. Friendship is a good thing to build a relationship on, once you have a good foundation, you build on it. New relationship need time to grow. You need to spend time together to analyze yourself and determine if truly you want to be together. Sometimes we need to know where the relationship is heading, but just spending quality time together. Good communication plays an important role. Share with the love of your life things about you, reveal new things about you that you know your partner will love as you get along. This way gets to know and understand each other.
I realize that some of the people I know, they may have seperate indentities when they're with their boyfys and when they're with friends. IMHO, why can't they just be natural, be themselves? They are trying to be someone whom they are not, pretendin' to be nice, and the lamest part was to pretend to like things he /she like. Why the tag along? I think they should do things together that are both pleasing to both parties, not forcing them to like what they themselves enjoy. Have your own opinion about things when you want. Just be you. Let him or her see the real you. To the ladies, well make ups is nice but don't let tones of make up define who you are. try being natural once in a while. Your guy will not only see a new side of you, he will love you for just being you. If he loves you for who you are, definitely he wouldn't mind you with the naked face.

Having similar goals and dreams with your partner, too, is the best part to me when it comes to relationships. It helps both person to grow. Spending time together doing the things both liked actually cements the relationship and also brings you closer to each other. Basically do not be afraid to voice yourself. Most of us are afraid or treating your partner as a trivial. These patterns build up over the time. You may mute yourself, but bare in mind that he or she will continue with the same behaviour..and you may guess what happens next.

Monday, January 03, 2011

Late NY post

Happy New Year and belated merry X'mas to all <3

So much to do but so lil' time to blog. Loadsa pictars to post but mostly you can see it in my FB album. *grins*

This year was Johnson and I, our first X'mas and NY together. He wa sweet enough to organize a small makan session with our kawan kana sekalian. Cooking done by all by the host himself. Among the dishes served was curry chicken, mashed potato, beef spaghetti, and bread. Sorry no pictures taken of the sexy chef on the preparation of food. However, mashing of the potatoes were done by Sook Wai and I. Bloody process made my hand to ache for three consecutive days!! It was unbearable on the first night that i'd woke up crying. Yoko Yoko doesn't help much either. Urgh.

The presses I get this year...

From bee <3 love it!

A cute one from Crystal and it's the first one I got from her =)

From Paige darling <3

And a hush puppy plush from Siew Mai to germaine..if you'd notice the right eye was a bit retarded. Guess who's the culprit?

Posing while waiting for her treat.

Those they aren't expensive gifts but it's the thoughts that count!! Love you all..

And comes new year was a trip to Penang.

It wasn't a planned one. Siew Mai unintentionally invited us to go along as Tune Hotel was having cheap promo. She paid 130 bucks for two nights. That's for early birds booking. Ours was booked in two weeks advance so it cost us about 30 bucks extra. The room was all right just that I wasn't too comfy with the commotion made by other hotel tenants opening and closing their room's door and those who laughed and talked out loud. The air con, the hair dryer and basically everything runs by prepaid system. One setback was they do not have TV in the room. What I love most would be the super huge shower head *grins* however you wouldn't want to stay long inside the shower due to the drainage system. The outflow of water is just too slow that you can feel it's flooding inside.

The hotel is located in Burma Road and it's pretty convenient as there's a 7-11 store just downstairs. There's also Starbucks and Oldtown for caffeine lovers. In need of toiletries or forgotten your cotton buds? There's a Guardian pharmacy nearby. You can fix your hunger binge by dropping by New World Park food court (food not that nice lah).

Food wise, I'm gonna do it on another day on a different post.

First spot we went was Kek Lok Si temple. God knows how long I've never been to this place eventho i do visit Penang occasionally.

Time for some camwhore pics xD

The end!!

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