Monday, January 24, 2011


What exactly are words.

I am amazed at the amount of words on the internet. When I sit and think about it I am amazed by the sheer number of sites that come back when you Google the word “words”. Words truly are abundant, and I am not innocent of providing my fair share. I love words. But if there is anything I have learned it’s that words are CHEAP. A dime a dozen. In this Google age, they may be much, much cheaper.

Words are only words. I am done listening to them. If you cannot step up and give some backbone and action to your words, I will step down and walk away. Little things like being honest and not twist and turning up stories shows. If you cannot even do the little things you promised you'd o, I really don't see how you're ever going to commit to the big things you swore you'd do. Don't waste another two years of my life if you're just playing around. Because I don't do flings and certainly not open relationships for sure.

"Walk the talk dudes, walk the talk"

Being one of the cheapest things on earth, words, are so easily said and yet it can mean nothing. Empty canister. But do you know how much words can build emotion? Words can bring you up 80ft in the air, and it can crush you down 80ft to the ground. Words can make you smile like a fool and words can make you cry a river. Words can build rage and anger in a person that leads to actions that are not wanted. Again, words are cheap but it hold so much power in it. So are the words that are not cheap? Yeah, of course, words are not cheap when its made into action. Back to what I stand by, when its only words, it is by far the cheapest thing I know. It can mean heaven and hell to one person and mean nothing to another. One man's meat is another man's poison. And thats when we get into shit we always end up in, "broken promises?" yeah, that! Because we do not know when the words mean nothing, or when it actually means everything. But we leap, risk and believe every word because all we can do is pray that those words mean something, even when only one out of ten of them means something. But guess what, we depend so much on words, because sometimes, thats the only hope we get.

I'm not gonna deny that I'm a hypocrite. As much as I hate people giving me empty promises, I too use words that are what I call cheap. So, what are words besides being cheap, its hope.

When he said, "Let me fight for you, give me a chance to show I've changed. give me a chance to gain your trust"...I felt a faint heartbeat from a heart long thought frozen. On the verge of letting go and walking away, you took my hand, pulled me back & brought me to life.

I hate being so fragile. I hate taking everything so personally. I hate not being able to have a proper meal. I hate that the littlest things get to me more than things that should actually matter.It’s the scary to realize just how much someone means to you. When it hits you, I mean really hits you, all these thoughts and questions rush through your head at once. A sad emotion even starts to creep on you slowly inch by inch as you start to wonder. What if for some reason things don’t work out? How is it possible for you to live without them?

"There's no what-ifs that exists. You've been thinkin too much"


i just want to feel safe.
i just want to feel safe.
apparently some things are impossible.

Someone that was once a stranger now is the only person you know like the back of your hand. Someone you once had no emotions for, now has the power to break your heart. Someone you never used to hang out with, now owns most of your time. Someone you never thought you’d love, now owns your entire heart. Someone you once lived without, you now wish to hold onto forever.

Was I stupid for making this choice?

I thought it'd be different this time. I thought that trust would finally be something tangible between us. But I guess not. Because while I have been out there with my head held high telling people who try to bring you down in my eyes that I love you, you have been walking around with your head down low, prolly embarrassed to even acknowledge me as a part of your life to anyone who asks. I don't mind waiting. It doesn't matter how many months I have to wait. But I will not be the idiot who's waiting alone. So once and for all, I don't. fuckin. believe. in. words. Please, work something out without giving excuses or depending on me to remind you. Everything means nothing if I were to remind you of every little single thing. I know who I am, and I know I'm better than that and I deserve better than this.I am not who I used to be and we both are no longer the kids. Relationships need to mature with sincerity and faith, not lies and half truths. If I cannot trust you, I will not stay. Saying "I love you" when we're alone is no longer enough for me. If you really do, you wouldn't mind pointing me out and telling people,

"Yes, that's the girl I love. I'm going to marry her someday."

You told me you'd fight for me in any way possible this time. So fight, damn it.Because you cannot keep having something you've never fought for, and I cannot keep fighting for something I never had.

I am no expert in business of “nude winged baby armed with a bow and a quiver of arrows”, but I guess I may be a lil teenie weenie good in flavoring up relationships. But not by telling out every single thing of what the other partner should do. I do not take control of this whole relationship. I want to share with no boundaries. Did you know the littlest thing is what counted? Girls love their men who remember the sweet aromatic moment when around them . Takin note of detail on hers and try doing something outrageous and before sleep, you write a little reminder on the date. Thus when the loving birds hit the anniversary, talk about previous moment. That’s the way to melt me. Simple lil things. You don't have to please me with Pradas or Guccis or expensive trips to Paris. The only way to make girls happy is by making falling in love with you every single day.

Fallin out of love is hard
Fallin for betrayal is worse
Broken trust and broken hearts
Thinkin all you need is there
Buildin faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
And now when all is gone there is nothin to say
And if you re done with me
On your own you can go and tell them
Tell them all I know now

I'm sure most of you girls out there have encountered guy friends (boyfys included in this case) who tells you they will call you later but they wouldnt. The thought of blogging about this came into my mind when my friend was complaining about how much she likes this guy (she even dumped her bf of five years because of him) and how the guy is so shy that he doesnt say anything to her. From my point of view, he likes her too but is not sure of it. He did simple things, that if a guy dont have something for you, they wont do. Simple things like attending a party where nobody you know but her is there and etc. now, remember this, girls, guys are sweetest to you only when they are going after you. i have had my fair share of such sweet treatments. The feeling is just undescribable and your ego gets boosted to the maximum. Being an egoistic person, i sure like the feeling of being chased but it hasnt happened for a long time. anyway, that's not my point. Is there a reason to be angry? Are they born to be like this?

"fret not, darling, cos all men are like that so it isn't just him"

Is there no point in complaining because guys are like that? EXCEPT when they are really into you. Yeah, I clearly know and told him that I knew I wasn't the one he love the most. Hurt or no? Fuck care cause I say what I felt like sayin rather than keepin it to myself.

Guys tend to say things without thinking properly. If you ask em out casually, "hey, wanna check out this place on sat?". "sure". and then you wont hear from them on saturday. I am practically speakin in general okay and based on my experiences, so please dont spear me down if you disagree or feel like it's you im talking about. Also on this article i read, women tend to remember things six times better than guys, which explains why we can remember when we had the first time we held hands, first kiss, first date, and etc but not guys. *big big big sigh*

i try not to blame them when they dont remember dates like that but at times, i will feel unhappy. Am I not important enough? To tell you the truth, i used to remember all my exes birthdays, the first time we kissed, the first time we got together and break up but now i dont remember anything except for my recent one (i do not wish to remember anything with regards of my exes anyways). What matters is the who I am in love with now. I told myself not to expect too much unless you're really certain he's into you big time and is ready to commit to you. Too early for that. Some guys just play around with your feelings or you may read my previous posts. Nuff said.

After watching much sex and the city, I realised that i have changed tremendously throughout the years. I am now into commitment (at certain levels, that is) and am no longer into flings. I am conservative when it comes to certain things and kind of reserved which contradicts my older personality. No more fubus, unless he can't satisfy me *ouch* but now im proud to announce for the first time that I, someday, would like to settle down and get married. Yes, you heard me right. I am not talking bout the current boyfy I am with but generally. I have always been against committed relationships and marriages. I used to say marriage is only a piece of paper. Now, I am a cross breed of Carrie and Charlotte and a lil' Samantha and Miranda too. I am sarcastic when it comes to people who irritates the shit out of me and horny when I am with someone im truly into.

Balanced? Hell yeah. Whoa this is a fuckin long post!


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