Thursday, March 31, 2011

ghost train howlin on the radio

things go so fast, so many new things that you just don’t know where to put them, and while you’re decidin where to put them there are even more things and then they build up and then they get bigger and then there’s no space and it is like Tetris and you have been waitin so long for a long piece but there hasn’t been a long piece and the pile is gettin higher and you have been savin a space and you think how you could really use a long piece and how much it would help and clear up so many things but the screen is gettin full and then there’s only one row left and you know if the next piece isn’t a long piece then there will be no way and it will be game over and then the next piece appears and it’s comin so fast and the crazy music is makin you tense and makin you frantic and you’re tappin the spacebar and flippin around and now you see the new piece and oh how you hope it’s a long piece but then you see the new piece and you see it’s not a long piece but instead another square piece and there’s just no space for a square piece dammit why’d they never let you have a long piece you saved a space and waited so long and played it so well and it was all you ever needed and don’t you know it would have fit so well in the space you kept open but now the space is blocked and if you want to go on you’ll need to start another game but there’s a chance you’re all out of credits.

i've got this theory, there are two kinds of people in the world. there are lyric people and music people. you know, the lyrics people tend to be analytical. you know, all about the meanin of the song. they're the ones you see with the CD insert out like 5 minutes after buyin it, pourin over the lyrics, interpretin the hell out of everythin. then there's the music people who could care less for the lyrics as long as its just got like a good beat and you could dance to it. i don't know, sometimes it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl. but since I'm not, let me just say this. sometimes things find you when you need them to find you, i believe that. and for me it's usually song lyrics.

i've spent my life walkin on my tiptoes. mistakes. i hate mistakes. neither my limbs nor my lips match my heart. they do not know each other. so many mistakes. when i was younger my mistakes were only mine and i could deal with them in the dark when the world stopped and i cried. now mistakes count against me. every one. every mistake proof that i do not deserve to be relied upon, trusted, or invested in. not because my true self isn't worth it. but because my hand may slip and injure you beyond healin. and i have learned those are unforgivable mistakes. so I walk on my tiptoes. i remember when i never cried. you thought i didn't care. i remember when i learned to cry and for a little while it meant somethin. it erased mistakes because cryin meant i regretted them. or at least that i cared. but then i cried all the time and to you that just meant i made more mistakes than i could keep up with. more mistakes than was worth. mistakes. i hate mistakes. i hate walkin on my tiptoes.

i heard what you said. i’m not the silly romantic you think. i don’t want the heavens or the shootin stars. i don’t want gemstones or gold. i have those things already. i want a steady hand. a kind soul. i want to fall asleep, and wake, knowin my heart is safe. i want to love, and be loved. a girl only needs three things in her life: love to make her weak, alcohol to make her strong, and friends to pick her up when the first two make her hit the ground.

you build your world around someone, and then what happens when he disappears? where do you go into pieces, into atoms, into the arms of another man? you go shoppin, you cook dinner, you work odd hours, you make love to someone else on June nights. but you’re not really there, you’re someplace else where there is blue sky and a road you don’t recognize. if you squint your eyes, you think you see him, in the shadows, beyond the trees. you always imagine that you see him, but he’s never there. it’s in your coffee cup, your bathwater, your tears. unfinished business always comes back to haunt you, and a man who swears he’ll love you forever isn’t finished with you until he’s done...right.
things change the way you feel. and things change. to know you like your tongue knows the back of your teeth. that's all i want. everythin you like, i will find some reason to dislike and if we find we like the same thing, i will insist that you like it less than me or for the wrong reasons, like you don’t really understand the things you like. because that makes me feel better....i was wonderin if you had a second. to talk about anything at all. you can be as logical, rational and objective as you want, it's not going to change the way you feel. put it this way; you tellin me that lunch is in an hour doesn't make me less hungry.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

paper heart

love isn't an act, it's a whole life. it's stayin with her now because she needs you, it's knowin you and she will still care about each other when sex and daydreams, fights and futures. when all that's on the shelf and done with. love - why, i'll tell you what love is, it's you at seventy five and her at seventy one each of you listenin for the other's step in the next room, each afraid that a sudden silence, a sudden cry, could mean a lifetime's talk is over...



If it's so preoccupied, you may keep it for someone else.

xoxo. ❥ ann

Monday, March 28, 2011

wouldn’t trade it for the world

Relationships come with loadsa tribulations. We fight, we yell, we get jealous, we cry, we feel pain, we hurt, we scream, we get frustrated, we get angry, we get upset, we break up and our emotions take us over. So why are we doin it? Why would we want to feel not just sad, but truly hurt, sad to the point where your whole body hurts just because of one person, sad to the point where you feel empty when everythin falls apart, sad to the point where your heart aches for the company of that being.

I’ll tell you why I do it, its because besides all those moments when your stupidity gets in the way of what your truly feeling and you “fight”, the moments when you are truly loving someone are the most touching, astounding, magnificent moments you will ever experience.

When two people are just lovin each other its magical. And to those of you who are to scared of getting hurt and too scared of the baggage that comes with relationships, let me tell you this..

Havin someone you love and having them love you back is a feeling that you can not substitute. Havin someone look at you with such a deep emotion is remarkable. Havin someone touch with so much care brings a feelin of weightlessness throughout your whole body. Havin someone whisper they love you feels like they screamed it. Havin someone to hold your hand at all times just feels special. Havin someone to be your best friend and be loyal to you and never lie to you feels so safe. So yeah, relationships suck, breaking up hurts, but havin that someone that you feel so comfortable with, someone that you let inside your soul, someone that lets you inside theirs, someone to talk to at all hours during the day, someone to laugh with, someone to fall asleep with, havin someone that is your other half for whatever amount of time you are together, is true beauty and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


too many pics to update. therefore, will chuck it all together into a single post xD

After watching Chi Lam's Japanese cuisine series, both of is gatal gatal were craving to makan. Thus, we went grocery shopping.

First attempt of kani maki and kappa maki...

Resulted in bee's finger kena cut lol


*Starbucks @ Pearl Point*


an accidental snap of me colleague. often mistaken as Chinese. Liverpool fan he is. xD I hope he doesn't see this haha :P

Ah fee @ Coffee showering.

Meeko baby..


Fugly big tick found on fee's butt. Eekk! Poor fella gor burnt to death lol

Nice shot by me :P cause on normal basis, it's hard to take a nice picture cause he's so kopi-o black. Lol




Bee was sweet enuff to teman me go sing me lungs out two weeks in a row. <3

*muarks muarks*


*me love*

Yay pendant finally arrived. After two months wtf it has bee's initial on it fyi. The last alphabet is J :P

Random shot by i4.

Family dinner @ a lousy Thai cuisine restaurant.

For bee <3

me lolita lempicka <3 different packing from last year. Lovely <3

This is bee's fav. He's so excited to play with it lol

xoxo. ❥ ann

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

it's just me...

" Cinderella walked on broken glass, Sleeping beauty let her whole life pass by, Belle fell in love with a beast, Pocahontas risked her life for a feast, Jasmine could have had anyone but she chose a poor man, and Ariel, she walked on land "

So many people dislike fairytales because it makes us believe in love, believe that a prince will swoop down and save us when something goes wrong. But I’ve come to realise that in every fairytale-like movie, every girl took a risk. Took a risk for love, took a risk in the name of love.

So, how do we know if our own fairytale won’t really happen if we don’t try, if we stop believing in love?

I know it’s hard for some of you to put down their guard and to learn to trust someone else sometimes. I know because I’ve been through it. People like us, we distance ourselves from people we genuinely like just because we are afraid to get hurt. But does building up these walls ultimately saves us from hurting?

It doesn’t.

We’ve got to know that these people, the people we are blocking out because of our own insecurities, will leave someday too. Leave for something better. Everyone will cause you pain and hurt and tears, but you have to decide who’s worth it. And when you make that decision, happiness will come to you. =)

- Ann

say it..


Alright. So here I am, trying to find some sort of logical reason how that person who I am keep trying to establish a healthy relationship just let me lose him again.

He says he doesn't know. He says he has never felt it. Only has been told that it's something amazing and fantastic and wonderful... But he doubts he has ever experienced it.

This made me want to find the right way to explain it to him - or maybe just to myself.
Because I've been there, it happened to me. I guess love is an instant thing. It's either there or not. And it happens so quickly, you don't even notice it.

When you meet with that special person the first time, you know nothing about each other. Nothing at all. And despite all the rationality something just happen. You want to spend hours with that person, you want to just listen to what he or she says - even if it would be a big pile of rubbish if it'd come out from somebody else's mouth.

He or she makes you laugh like no others.

You can be the strongest, most confident person in the whole wide world, but you just can't stop those shaky legs, don't seem to be able to put one sensible sentence together - nor stop talking because you are too worried it will get awkward and weird.

At the end of the night of your first date you wish time would stop there and then at that perfect moment - when only the two of you exist in the Universe - would never end.

You've just said goodbye 5 minutes ago but you already feel like you have many new stories to tell him/her.

You can't sleep because all you can think of how great you felt with that person and you are trying to figure how can it be so easy and smooth.

You get changed several times before the next date because you want to make sure you look your best and he or she just won't be able to take his or her eyes off you.

And then all of a sudden this person becomes part of your every moment in the day.

You can't focus at work, keep recalling those perfect nights together, call in sick because you want to stay in bed with him/her as long as possible, you are so proud of this person in your life that you want to introduce him/her to everyone from the local postman to you best friends and your family, and this is the person who is the reason why you cancel dinner with your best friend...

And then.. You realize that so much time gone past and that person is still there. And you became one very special and unique thing together that you never want to lose. Hopefully it lasts for a while.

But there are times when it comes to an end. And I don't know why. I guess as us, humans constantly growing, developing, making changes and decisions in our lives as individuals; creates the chance to grow apart.

And it hurts. And seems like the end of the World has came. And you suffer. Can't eat or sleep. Want to hate the one, think of every bad and negative you can just remember of but still can't hate him/her.

This is love. Still. Even if it's now making you suffer.

And then it starts again.

And you are putting your heart out there for someone else who might break it, but who cares when it's feels soooo good to have that warm and fuzzy feeling inside for whatever long it lasts? :)


through it all...

I love being held. I love when I am in someones arms, and I know that they would do anything for me. yea, I know its selfish but that is what I love. I love wakin up to someone and smilin and havin them smile back. When you are cold, and you are sharing a blanket and you have their sweatshirt on. your hair is all a mess and your breath smells and you nuzzle up to their neck and they nuzzle you back and wrap their arms around you. and you smile. And fall right back asleep.

I love walking into a room and he smiles back at you, you work your way over, making googiley eyes just for fun until you reach him, and then he wraps you in a big hug and you say hi and act like you haven’t seen each other in ages. That is a great feelin.

Him takin the effort to wake up unusually early to fetch me to and from work. As early as 7am. Helpin me take care of my furkid when I'm not around.

Feelin the rush of his lips trail down your body, covering every spot of skin. Giving in to him, giving him what you both want. Feelin like one. Knowing your love will not fade. Knowin givin him that will make him keep you forever, just as you want.

The happy moments, the secret smiles. Going out with friends and family and sayin something they don’t get, but he gives me that look that tells me he got it and he found it funny. We'd burst out laughin.

The tears after a big fight. And I'd wish he'd run over to dry them with kisses, not being able to sleep until he knows I am better.

The silent way people drift apart, the way the secret smiles fade. The fights end in crying with no one to hold you. the way your world seems to collapse, but you know this isn’t the way its supposed to be.

YELLING AT HIM TO FIX IT. even though you know you did more damage than he did.

Being completely in love with him. and him with you.

You refusing to find someone else because you want him.

The complications. The tears. The heartache.

The feeling of love through it all.

xoxo. ❥ nee