Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Jealousy Kills...

Not only relationships..friendships too. Why said so? I'd experienced it myself. Someone closer than a friend. Closer than you can imagine.

Imagine someone having everything that you could ever want. A pretty face, in perfect health. Loadsa cash and friends. Drives a luxurious vehicle. Dines in the finest restaurants. Travels frequently to some of the most breath-taking exotic locations.  Nothing is out of their price range. Seemingly happy. Would you be jealous of this person? Most of you guys would say YES without hesitatin'.

Define jealousy.

IMHO, it's much more than just wantin what someone else has. It includes anger, hate and a lil passion of negativity in there. You long to have that they own and tend to feel angry when you do not have the same. They have something else instead of you. A lil too intense on this you'll be led to being called an attention whore. Isn't it? Ask yourself.Being jealous affirms that you are without and that there is no room for you to have. Don’t believe me? Then why do you think it is so difficult for people to admit to being jealous? Can you? It is because of the fact that being jealous shows that they do not believe that they could ever have the same. Worse, admitting being jealous is admitting they could never have the same. Jealousy is a double-edged blade. It is so toxic that it not only kills the object of its hate but also the heart of the person who is doing the hating. When you are jealous of someone else, your heart is damaged as much as the person of whom you are jealous.The worst thing which jealousy may lead you to be in a state of ungratefulness. Devaluing the things you own, and the people who loves you. Open your eyes wide and look around. Observe those who are true to you and those who aren't. Once you start to devalue things you run the risk of them slipping away.

Why do you have to be jealous? 

On relationship wise, hoomans tend to be dramatic with their own life at times. They search high and low for that special person that they want to spend their lifes with, then once found, that's when the drama begins. Doing silly things to push them away. (Whoa, this sound seriously familiar.) Any great relationship is built on trust, and not giving your significant other the trust will eventually turn it into a burden. Agree? If you don’t trust the person that you’re with, then hopefully you have a good reason for it. But if that’s the case, then why are you still with them?  

Or maybe the issue is that while you trust your partner, but you don’t trust the people he’s around with. Wild drinking buddies for example? Or his friends may put him in situations where he’s more likely to do somethin? Even worse, he’s still close friends with one of his exes and you know she still has feelings for him. These are common fears, and the best way to get passed them is to talk (not debate) about them. Let them know your concerns and how it makes you feel, and hopefully they will be understanding and ensure you that it’s not a big deal. The next time they get in that situation, they’ll know how you feel about it and be less likely to let anything happen. Easier said than done.

Personally, I think that when someone has cheated (or being cheated) in a relationship there’s really no way to totally get over it. Be it in the current or past relationships. If a person has the damn guts to cheat, the history might repeat itself again. It’s really one of the hardest things. Can you ever go back to completely trusting someone when you’ve already been there and had it happen again? If you’re in a relationship where there has been a history of cheating, I would suggest that you think REAL hard about what you expect to gain out of the relationship. If you decide to stay, you need to understand that you’re going to have to let go of a lot of angry feelings and try to be trusting again. Controlling their actions won’t work in the long-run, so you’d have to be able to let go of the past in order to make it work. For some people (like me) that’s not possible. Proceed with caution? How long can you bare with this? It's so stressful that you've to be worry at all times, fearing that your partner will cheat on you.

Think, think and think again. Having a jealous significant other completely destroys relationships. After a while it just becomes a big point of contention, and a lot of times it can actually cause promiscuous behavior where none existed before. This is the whole “if she keeps thinking I’m cheating then I might as well cheat anyway” routine. Believe it or not, it does happen. The more you worry, the most likely that it's going to happen. Bottomline is, doesn't matter if this happens within a friendship or a relationship, make sure you are solid in your feelings for each other and can have open communication about how things make you feel. Being open and honest with each other is another pillar of a strong friend/relationship, and can help both of you overcome your issues by working on them together.


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